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I'm stuck. No other way to word it, I am stuck. Stuck here in this house. Stuck here in this stage of my transition. Stuck right here, frozen. I'm going to use a bit of time to bash out why I think I'm stuck and how I think I'll fix it.
I'm stuck in this house for a few reasons. I can't afford to move out by myself is the main one. I can't handle/feel safe moving in with complete strangers in a house share or whatever so then anywhere I look rent is like half my wages and then with bills on top I wouldn't be able to like, afford food. The other reason is fear. Fear I can't do things independently. This fear comes from two places, 1) I am disabled so have days where I struggle to even like, move. and 2) I've never been shown/told how anything works, and figuring it all out for myself makes my little ND brain feel like it's going to explode.
This one has monetary issues, affording private is not really an option right now. But it's also the fact my family does NOT accept me being trans so I kinda got slammed back into the closet around them... (this is an example of fixing problem 1 will help fix problem 2) also god fuck NHS waiting times haha...
That's the neat part! We- Ok no seriously the fix here is basically money. I KNOW that I'm the lowest paid of the "Senior XXXXXXX" at my job, I've known that for a while. The simple solution is that I go ask for more pay, I've been there for 3.5 years, I've been in the senior role for 2, and have been on the same wage the entire time! Surely that is grounds for a pay rise with the cost of living creeping ever upwards? I also know that many people have asked about pay increases over the past few months and have all been told quite quickly: "no" so like? Is there any point in asking?
Option 2 for money is a different job, BUT this job being work from home with relatively lower workload during the day is exactly what I need to stop from being constantly burnt out... and I don't think I'm gonna find anything like that anywhere.
Option 3 is one that I keep on and off trying. Moving with a friend. BUT she's got her own health issues that she's working through so that drops off sometimes as she needs to work through stuff (which I am MORE than happy to accommodate, M if you're reading this there is literally nothing bad about anything there, you're great) so that makes things harder.
Overall, yeah. I'm stuck, open to any suggestions anyone may have though!
contact me!: luna@soup3461.com
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